It's been over a week now. I am happy and relieved. It feels like a load of bricks have been taken off of my shoulders. Yet at times, I wonder what the hell did I do a week ago. There are times I cry, there are times I am smiling from ear to ear. There are times I feel like I made a mistake. I am looking forward to reclaiming my independence.
What exactly am I talking about? I ended my seven and half year relationship with my boyfriend last week. If you review my posts from either last July or August, I was not happy with our relationship. Well this past Thursday, I snapped mentally and emotionally. I didn't snap at anyone, just myself (if that makes sense). I wrote my boyfriend a letter stating that I would like him to leave. I cried as I typed that note. It was one the hardest things that I have ever done. Writing that letter was much harder than putting my father in jail.
I prefer not to discuss all of the reasons why I made that decision, but the above referenced posts will give you the reader some insight as to why I ended the relationship.
I refuse to be one of those people who constantly bad mouthes their exes. Growing up, I saw this attitude from my parents and step parent towards each other. It's not classy, healthy, and it's just down right depressing and hard for me to do. I will have nothing but good things to say about him. I realize and understand that everyone has their flaws. No one is perfect. Some people may say, "Why did you end the relationship then?" Those people do not need to know my explanation. I just prefer to take the high road.
It's finally starting to set in that I am by myself again. I understand when other bloggers state that they miss having that other person in bed with them. There's this cold feeling. Slowly, I am adjusting to this cold feeling. I don't like the feeling, but it's something that I am learning to handle.
Here's a question to anyone reading this: Do you keep the things that an ex has given you? I have some nice items that he gave me throughout our relationship. This was my first real relationship and my first real break up. So, I am not sure what I should do. My heart says to keep these items and move along in my life.
One of my coworkers gave me a card today, it said, "Boys go to Jupiter to get stupider." All I could do was laugh. I understand that the card was to make me laugh and it sure did. I keep that card in my desk in my glass box with the words "Pull out for laughter". That card came in use today when several things were not going to plan. I just pulled out that card and it made me laugh. I was able to regain my mind and plow forward with my projects. She doesn't realize how much that card meant to me.
A lot of times, actions speak louder than words. However at times, words do speak louder than actions. As in the case of my letter and my coworkers card.