A Difficult Road Ahead

About two weeks ago, I started feeling sick again. I reviewed my diet and realized that the dairy products are making me sick. During this two week time period I had cut out most dairy. I would sneek in a few bites of ice cream during this time. However, this past Friday night, I really realized that my body can not handle dairy products. I was craving cheese so I had a bunless hamburger with gorganzola cheese in the middle. Let's just say thank you pedialyte for my speedy recovery.

I am not sure if this is a side effect of the gluten intolerance or if my body has a casein intolerance. It is very common for people with gluten intolerances to become intolerant to dairy products for several months. I have no problem giving up gluten. It's been quite easy. I have decided that I must cut out all dairy products. This will be extremely tough as I love eating cheese and ice cream and drinking milk. Ice cream always solved most of my problems.

On another note, boyfriend and I were talking this weekend and we both agreed that we are not happy in this relationship. We stopped talking after this point. We are not sure where to go from here.

Driving to my part-time job last night was interesting. What normally is a 30 minute drive (with some speeding involved) turned into a 90 minute drive and that's with me knowing some short cuts. If it weren't for those short cuts, it would have taken me over two hours to get to my destination. The cause of this massive delay was due to a truck fire on route 4 north.

Despite the minor aggrevation, I realized last night that I do my best thinking while driving. Not sure why, but I am able to solve most of my problems during this time. I had a lot of time during last night's commute to think about where I am in life. I realized that I am pretty happy with my life in general, except for the relationship part. Lately, I have been getting the itch to shake up my life. This sort of feeling comes every so many years. Maybe tonight there will be another massive delay and I will have some extra time to think about what needs to be shaken up in my life.

He calls me at 4:30 to inform me that he forgot to make an appointment for an oil change. What am I, his personal assistant? He has all day to make this appointment. Can't he do it from work? He has a phone at his desk and has access to the internet to look up the place's phone number. He went into work at 4pm. I know he did not have anything else to today, he never does. But because I am nice and stupid, I went ahead and made the damn appointment. Watch, he'll want me to take the car or come with him. He can be such a pain in the ass and a baby.

I would like to try to talk to him about these annoyances, but I'm never home and when I am, he's having one of his mental days or does not feel like talking about our problems. It's starting to get to the point where I want out of this relationship. Mark my word, there will come a day (real soon), that I will just explode at him and it won't be pretty.

Last question for the day before I go to my other job, how does one handle having financial power over their significant other?

Time to go beat up some pillows now.

Update

It's only been a few months since I last updated. The past few months have been trying on myself. I was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance. If you are not sure what this is click here: www.gluten.net . I know and understand that there are far worse diseases/cancers to be diagnosed with. This intolerance has taken over my life. I have to constantly watch what I eat. I am becoming good at diciphering food labels. One thing with this diet is that I have lost weight and inches. Before this intolerance I was about 155lbs and around a size 10. Now, I am not sure about the weight part, but I know I a size 6/8. Not bad with no exercise.

Besides the intolerance, I just have been working. Work seems to take up most of my life. I actually like working because I don't think about problems in my life. Some things have been going through my mind lately and I am just not sure what to make of them. I have been in a relationship for quite some time now and I am starting to question it. There are things that he does that I do not particularly care for. Those things are not illegal, just annoying. I just can't picture him being a stable father. He would never do anything to harm the child but he does not like change, being messy, and can't handle complicated matters. Those items basically sum up one's childhood.

We have been dating since I was 18 1/2 years old. He is my first serious relationship. Something in my mind keeps telling me that I need to explore and be a 25 year old. I understand that there are many people who would love to be in my shoes--dating someone for a long time or just dating someone period. I miss being on my own, living an independent lifestyle. We have been living together for the past 1 1/2 year(s). I want someone who can fend for himself; make his own meals, pay his own bills, balance his own checkbook, etc. I know all of these things seem trivial, but when you work 60+ hours/week and still have to care for yourself and someone else, it's tough. Alot of times I feel like a mother not a girlfriend. I ask him to do things around the house, those items usually don't get done. When I try to talk to him about how he needs to help me around the house, he usually says, I am not in the mood to talk or I am having a bad mental day. These mental days need to stop. It's too hard to explain his mental days. They just happen and lately, it's been often lately. I feel selfish for writing these things down, but honestly, I feel kind of relieved. Must be running...it's almost 5pm.